I know that I'm not mourning the loss of loved ones during 9/11 events and I'm not having to evacuate and possibly return to loss/damaged home and belongings ravaged by hurricane winds and rain, but my week has not been a fun one.
Sunday I noticed a swelling in a place there shouldn't be. By Monday this hadn't changed at all and perhaps seemed worse, so I ended up in the ER. Doctor there says she thinks it's a Bartholin Cyst (a blockage/infection/abcess of the Bartholin's gland), but that the time isn't right to drain it. Follow up with your doctor within a few days. Put me on antibiotics, painkillers, and said to use warm compresses. I never even knew this gland existed and have never heard of this condition, but apparently it's something women get on occasion and nobody really knows what causes the blockage or how to prevent it from happening. This gland, by the way is in our private area, so the result is tenderness, pain, and problems sitting and walking (depending on how bad it gets).
There were times the pain was so uncomfortable I was on the verge of tears, but other times when the painkillers were working or I was sitting just right that it was relatively okay. Needless to say the pain, discomfort, and trying to take care of it and get better kept me from getting much of any work done all week. I couldn't get in to see anyone on Wednesday but got an appointment on Thursday to follow up with my doctor. She took a look at it and decided it wasn't something she wanted to handle in the office and sent me back to the ER *grumble*. I guess I don't blame her, the thing was approaching golf-ball size. So back to the ER I went. After 6 hours of mostly waiting around (did have a TV so watched some things on the Food Network to keep myself occupied), and some treatment (finally!), I finally had some relief and seemed to be on the mend.
Friday had an follow-up appointment and this doctor wanted to see me again this coming Monday. The only small glitch is the packing that was supposed to stay in the wound until Monday has decided to come out. I'm so sick of doctors and have already been in the ER twice this week that I'm not sure what to do. I may just place a phonecall to one of the doctors and ask them what they recommend I do. From what I read on the internet to recover completely can take up to about 4 weeks and I may need to get a little catheter put into the gland that would be removed after several weeks.
In the meantime I remain on the mend with my antibiotics, painkillers if I need them, my sitzbath tub, couchsurfing, and of course a blanket and my 2 kitties to keep me company.
I've definitely had better weeks, that's for sure. But I am thankful for the caring people that helped get me to and from the doctor when I don't have family nearby to help.
Saturday, September 13, 2008
Saturday, September 06, 2008
Death of Seminary Classmate
My seminary classmates and I find ourselves grieving the death of one of our own. It's been almost 2 weeks now. A week ago Monday I got the call. Actually the call came from a mentor/friend (K) who still works from the seminary and thought I should hear it from a person.
We had known "B" was sick, that he'd had a major surgery. That had been shared via email and egroup. We were getting updates from family and friends who had been to visit him. I sent a card to say that he was in my thoughts and prayers. This was a serious thing, the recovery was so new that it was hard to know how full of a recovery he might make, although there was cause for hope (I guess always room for hope). Because of the baby steps he was making and other reports, it had sounded to me like B was out of immediate danger. So when I got the news that he had arrested, been unable to be resuscitated, and died, it game as a bit of a shock.
I found the next day that I had this heaviness on me, like a thick blanket I was wearing and lugging around with me everywhere, or a little dark cloud overhead. My word for it was being in a bit of a funk. That was Tuesday. The next day, that Wednesday, was a little better, but still felt out of sorts, like a bit of an energy drain on me. In the midst of all this on Monday night, Tuesday, and Wednesday there were phone conversations and emails etc. with other classmates to share information, to touch base on how we were feeling, to let us know the details of the services that were being planned. Most of us live too far to make the service.
At first I was a little baffled and surprised at how the death was affecting me. I mean within my class off the top of my head I can't think of someone who would probably be more of a polar opposite from me. Oh wait, maybe I just did. But still, we were very different people and we were not all that close. There is a small group within my class that I was much closer to and who I still remain in pretty regular contact with via phone and email. If one of those people were to suffer the same circumstances as B, it would hit me very hard.
So I started to wonder was I being a hypocrite? Was I feeling bad because I thought I was supposed to feel bad? What was going on? But then as I spoke to a few others it helped to know that we were experiencing some similar things around this death. And then I gave it more thought and it started to make sense.
It's hard to explain to others the unique way in which a seminary class can be bonded. Thinking of recent readings from Romans about Christian Community, a seminary class is a Christian Community, with it's various members, it's various gifts, it's various flaws that we all bring to it. You become, in a sense, like family, or like people who have "endured" or "experienced" something together, like people that were in the Peace Corps together, there are things that you understand, that you "get" without having to explain. There are inside jokes, fun times, and struggles that you have had in the midst of one another. You have endured boring times, Ember Day Letters, Commissions on Ministry, group projects, and other things together. You spend 3 years together, joined at the hip much like an elementary school class. You take almost every class together (except the occasional elective, and even then classmates may be in there), day in and day out, every day, all day for 3 years. You worship together every day, you eat together a good 4 times per week. You are part of each others learning, part of each other's formation. So, it makes sense that there would be grief. Sure, we all are resurrection people with hope and trust in God. But that doesn't mean that we don't feel the absence of one of our number, of part of the family.
I have heard some news about what B had been up to recently. I think I also grieve for the fact that I didn't get to encounter this version of B, who had apparently finally wrestled with some demons and sounds like he was much happier for it. I will miss his passion, his boldness, and maybe most of all, his sense of humor. I loved hearing that he had planned out his own service, there's someone after my own liturgy geek heart, and maybe we weren't as different as it had seemed on the surface. *grin*
This week was better. I still thought of B, and had some conversation with another classmate who is still processing. But it wasn't as distracting, as much as a preoccupation or energy drain as the first week (no this week had it's own challenges). But it was still there. I think the dynamics in our class will never be the same. The shock of losing B in the here and now will wear off some, but I think just as a family moves forward after a death and yet is never the same, I think our seminary class will likely be like that. I pray that it is some time before we experience this kind of grief and loss again. And B, I pray for you that ultimate peace, healing, and joy that can only come from being in God's presence. Amen.
We had known "B" was sick, that he'd had a major surgery. That had been shared via email and egroup. We were getting updates from family and friends who had been to visit him. I sent a card to say that he was in my thoughts and prayers. This was a serious thing, the recovery was so new that it was hard to know how full of a recovery he might make, although there was cause for hope (I guess always room for hope). Because of the baby steps he was making and other reports, it had sounded to me like B was out of immediate danger. So when I got the news that he had arrested, been unable to be resuscitated, and died, it game as a bit of a shock.
I found the next day that I had this heaviness on me, like a thick blanket I was wearing and lugging around with me everywhere, or a little dark cloud overhead. My word for it was being in a bit of a funk. That was Tuesday. The next day, that Wednesday, was a little better, but still felt out of sorts, like a bit of an energy drain on me. In the midst of all this on Monday night, Tuesday, and Wednesday there were phone conversations and emails etc. with other classmates to share information, to touch base on how we were feeling, to let us know the details of the services that were being planned. Most of us live too far to make the service.
At first I was a little baffled and surprised at how the death was affecting me. I mean within my class off the top of my head I can't think of someone who would probably be more of a polar opposite from me. Oh wait, maybe I just did. But still, we were very different people and we were not all that close. There is a small group within my class that I was much closer to and who I still remain in pretty regular contact with via phone and email. If one of those people were to suffer the same circumstances as B, it would hit me very hard.
So I started to wonder was I being a hypocrite? Was I feeling bad because I thought I was supposed to feel bad? What was going on? But then as I spoke to a few others it helped to know that we were experiencing some similar things around this death. And then I gave it more thought and it started to make sense.
It's hard to explain to others the unique way in which a seminary class can be bonded. Thinking of recent readings from Romans about Christian Community, a seminary class is a Christian Community, with it's various members, it's various gifts, it's various flaws that we all bring to it. You become, in a sense, like family, or like people who have "endured" or "experienced" something together, like people that were in the Peace Corps together, there are things that you understand, that you "get" without having to explain. There are inside jokes, fun times, and struggles that you have had in the midst of one another. You have endured boring times, Ember Day Letters, Commissions on Ministry, group projects, and other things together. You spend 3 years together, joined at the hip much like an elementary school class. You take almost every class together (except the occasional elective, and even then classmates may be in there), day in and day out, every day, all day for 3 years. You worship together every day, you eat together a good 4 times per week. You are part of each others learning, part of each other's formation. So, it makes sense that there would be grief. Sure, we all are resurrection people with hope and trust in God. But that doesn't mean that we don't feel the absence of one of our number, of part of the family.
I have heard some news about what B had been up to recently. I think I also grieve for the fact that I didn't get to encounter this version of B, who had apparently finally wrestled with some demons and sounds like he was much happier for it. I will miss his passion, his boldness, and maybe most of all, his sense of humor. I loved hearing that he had planned out his own service, there's someone after my own liturgy geek heart, and maybe we weren't as different as it had seemed on the surface. *grin*
This week was better. I still thought of B, and had some conversation with another classmate who is still processing. But it wasn't as distracting, as much as a preoccupation or energy drain as the first week (no this week had it's own challenges). But it was still there. I think the dynamics in our class will never be the same. The shock of losing B in the here and now will wear off some, but I think just as a family moves forward after a death and yet is never the same, I think our seminary class will likely be like that. I pray that it is some time before we experience this kind of grief and loss again. And B, I pray for you that ultimate peace, healing, and joy that can only come from being in God's presence. Amen.
Been a while! Thank God for Mentors
Wow, I realized when I went to post my website as I left a comment on a blog just how long it's been since I blogged.
I don't know why I haven't, much has been happening, much to process, really I should be blogging about some of this stuff. I don't know why I don't. Maybe it's a fear of being found out. Of putting my struggles and ramblings out there and that at some point someone will run across it and I won't be so anonymous or private.
I think part of it also is time. I have not been making time for journaling. I did journal about our trip some while I was in Europe, but I haven't even really been journaling much in my written journal lately. As I get ready to teach a class on spiritual disciplines, things that help keep us centered and grounded as well as connected to God, I'm mindful that I have been neglecting one of the things that has been beneficial to me.
I mean I journaled during my return to church, I journaled and blogged during my discernment, journaled and blogged during seminary, journaled, but didn't blog as much during my first placement, and then seem to be falling into that pattern here. Yes, I need to think about what it is that's holding me back.
In the meantime I will say I had a great trip in Europe, I was very glad to be at my friend's wedding. I hope to post some photos. I had a great visit with my family when they came out about a month ago, except I was fighting a cold/allergies most of the time. And while things are still going mostly well at the parish, I've also faced some new challenges that have affected me and sent me seeking my mentors. Can I just say, praise God for mentors?! It's so great to be able to talk to someone who really gets it from the inside and who has likely been through the same thing.
I think I'll end this here, and perhaps write a new post on a different topic.
I don't know why I haven't, much has been happening, much to process, really I should be blogging about some of this stuff. I don't know why I don't. Maybe it's a fear of being found out. Of putting my struggles and ramblings out there and that at some point someone will run across it and I won't be so anonymous or private.
I think part of it also is time. I have not been making time for journaling. I did journal about our trip some while I was in Europe, but I haven't even really been journaling much in my written journal lately. As I get ready to teach a class on spiritual disciplines, things that help keep us centered and grounded as well as connected to God, I'm mindful that I have been neglecting one of the things that has been beneficial to me.
I mean I journaled during my return to church, I journaled and blogged during my discernment, journaled and blogged during seminary, journaled, but didn't blog as much during my first placement, and then seem to be falling into that pattern here. Yes, I need to think about what it is that's holding me back.
In the meantime I will say I had a great trip in Europe, I was very glad to be at my friend's wedding. I hope to post some photos. I had a great visit with my family when they came out about a month ago, except I was fighting a cold/allergies most of the time. And while things are still going mostly well at the parish, I've also faced some new challenges that have affected me and sent me seeking my mentors. Can I just say, praise God for mentors?! It's so great to be able to talk to someone who really gets it from the inside and who has likely been through the same thing.
I think I'll end this here, and perhaps write a new post on a different topic.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)