And so it goes

Bed around 3am. After 3 to 4 hours sleep alarm going off to get up for a program at church I was going to attend to observe and volunteer for. Realized I was feeling that "blech I stayed up all night feeling," even though I'd gotten a little sleep, in no real shape to minister to others and needed to engage in some self-care so I don't run myself into the ground, had no clean clergy shirt and still had papers to write.

Insert expletive beginning with "F" here, and that's what I thought in that moment.

Stayed in bed a while longer hoping the all-nighter feeling would pass, it didn't. Called supervisor and left message that I was staying home. Don't know what he'll say about that (if anything) at our performance eval tomorrow. blah. Back to bed. You'd think I would have known better to plan something extra within days of finishing a semester - that I would either still be working on stuff or would need a break or both. But I was being optimistic and truly wanted to spend more time at the parish over the break, so at the time it seemed like a good plan.

Got up at 10am – feeling better but still tired (should have turned alarm off, would have slept better than with hitting the snooze forever). Took med. Got some work done on ethics paper. Sent an email to prof about its status.

Sister called to check on me, I tried to explain what was going on, she was encouraging.

Something I told my sister got me thinking, so I sent a little email to both profs to try and give them insight into what happens when I get stuck on a project (i.e. too much info not narrow enough, trying to understand the whole so I can write about one of the parts, tend to make it more complicated than it needs to be).

Was able to get a little more work done on ethics.

Then probably between 2 and 3pm started feeling stuck/spinning wheels and getting too picky about what I was writing (moving the same sentence around, changing wording, etc.), and getting off on a tangent. Checked email - Liturgy prof asks if I can say when I'm going to turn my stuff in? Urg. I didn’t answer because I didn’t know what to say. My hope is tonight or in the morning, but ??? The way things are going and with me being a bad judge of how long things take anyway, I didn't want to make a guess and then fail to miss that due date.

So then I'm stuck and feeling guilty. Decided I needed that break Dr. H. had said the other day can be really helpful.

Took a long shower. Showers always make me feel better. The hot water relaxes tense muscles and I seem to be able to think in there, and feel energized to do stuff after. Maybe it stimulates the skin and that makes you wake up all over?

Anyway, because I was frustrated shower included mental cursing and "why can’t I just do this" type self talk, some prayer, and a brief bout of crying. After shower was feeling better. Calmer, not as stressed. But I felt like I still needed more of a break. Tried to figure out what to do, didn’t want to be gone too long like a trip to the store, but wanted out of apartment. Decided to check campus mailbox for assignments. Got back the service that I’d spent so much time on earlier in the week with positive comments. :)

Came back home, read a few Christmas cards that came in the mail. Nice to hear from folks.

So... Trying to get refocused and back to work on ethics (the thinking is “you can do this, just finish the damn thing so you can move on to the liturgy stuff.”

I also realized I have only eaten a bowl of oatmeal today and that was hours ago, so I’ve ordered a pizza.

Okay… I’ve had a break (much longer than I'd intended). Now food is on the way. That’s a good start.

Shoot, it’s 4:45pm, where’d my day go?