I laid in bed hitting the snooze forever this morning. Had plans to try and get up early. That didn't happen. Haven't been sleeping the greatest lately. Instead of just resetting the alarms for later I kept hitting the snooze. Then I lay there sometimes trying to fall back asleep for a few minutes, sometimes petting or pushing away the cats that kept wandering around me or curling up next to me... because clearly it was time for "mom" to be getting up, we must let her know we'd like our cat food, or at least some attention.
Other times I lay there praying - having a half-asleep rambling, interrupted by the snooze alarm, chat with God. Praying for the search for new seminary dean, praying for discernment about where I should seek placement, asking for help and guidance to make it through the rest of the semester and the end of the ordination process, and where would God have me go, where should I look for a job, stuff like that.
This scenario is probably not the setting for a spiritual discipline imagined by the desert fathers and mothers. Being in the middle of prayer only to be interrupted by a cat head-butting your arm and doing a lap around your head, or the loud "urrrnt urrrnt urrrnt" buzzing of an alarm clock. Heh! Oh well. My theory on this is the same as what you wear to church. I figure, hey... at least I was starting my day with prayer and trying to connect to God, much like I figure God doesn't care what I wear to church (I'm thinking it's likely God knows what I look like naked), I think that the important thing was that I went to church, not what I wore there.
Which kind of segues into next topic.
Finally dragged my butt out of bed, noticed I wasn't feeling 100%. Took a quick shower. Had to really hurry so I wouldn't be late. Clergy shirt, seminarian collar, pants, shoes, socks already out. But as I was hurried drying my hair I realized since I was not quite myself I wasn't feeling like putting on my "official" garb. I kind of felt like I needed to relax some, needed a bit of a break. I want to go in street clothes, kind of incognito. Sure some will recognize me no matter what I'm wearing, but some won't and I can kind of blend in and just be a butt in the pew today. Time ticking had to make a quick decision, what can I wear that I don't have to iron that doesn't look wrinkly or like something I'd wear to the beach. Okay... let's face it, much of my wardrobe could be worn at the beach (Homer Simpson voice: "Mmmm... beach," didn't get there on my quick trip home in February). One day at an appointment with Dr. H. as I was leaving I motioned to my clothes and said, hey... don't you want a priest who wears tie-dye and flip-flops on their day off? :) Dr. H. had been thinking the same thing and said, actually, yes. Anyway... went with dark blue, newest looking jeans and a sweater. As predicted, I blended some, but others seemed to recognize me and a few commented on the "civies". Nice to be incognito.
They were giving a little workshop after the service on how to ring bells in the bell choir. I like listening to bell choirs and I like music, and who knows... I could be placed somewhere that has a bell choir, maybe a good thing to learn more. So some of the members showed me how to ring a bell and gave advice. We ran through a song several times. I had two bells, so you have to look for both your notes as well as keep track of which measure and which count you're currently on. It was both as easy as they said and trickier than they said. It was pretty fun though. I might go to some practices, maybe I can help if they need people for Easter.
Then I came home and spent several hours poking around the internet looking for job openings and tracking down some alumni I know various places, sent email to 1 in one diocese and 2 in another asking what their read was on need for clergy, etc. I actually ran across a job in New York in Manhatten not too far from Central Park. I know... NYC?! But, I was remembering the great visit I had when I checked out the seminary there several years ago, and I have a contact in the diocese. The last person who went to seminary from my home parish now works with the Bishop in NY. I met him and his wife and they gave me a tour of the cathedral and we had lunch at a deli across the street. I could contact him and ask about the position I saw and whether there are any others. That's if I'm willing to be that far away from my family. Field Ed. Supervisor and tonight a classmate have both said that one should probably look in a couple dioceses and different parishes... kind of like when we were trying to decide on a seminary. If you only go one place you haven't given yourself any options and you don't have anything to compare with.
So... I spent all this time looking for jobs and trying to figure out if I'm willing to spend another couple years living farther than a long day's drive from my family. Then I went to rescue a classmate who had locked herself out of her car we ended up talking for a while about this stuff as well as other misc. stuff (like the fact that in several months we will be scattered across the U.S. rather than being joined at the hip like we've been for 3 years). So, I got sidetracked from working on homework. Which means for now I need to put the "where will I go" stuff on the back-burner for a couple days. I guess I feel a sense of urgency because it would be nice to have the Bishop make some inquiries/connections for me at the House of Bishops meeting, but in order to do that I'll need to tell him where I want to look for a job.
Okay, I have to stop thinking about it. Calgon, take me away.
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