The whole day seemed busy and yet it seemed like I didn't get a thing done. I got the music scanned for my service, but didn't get it inserted into an order of worship yet. I made lots of phone calls about little details and shared some of those with parish administrator. I checked on paper that's available for printing of the order of worship, but nothing can be bought until I can talk to the parishioner who's working on the cover for me. Had hoped to get an email or call from him today but didn't. I didn't want to call because I know he's taking time off over holidays and also I had plenty of other things demanding my attention.
Then we also had the unexpected death of a parishioner from a heart attack this morning and rector was out of town taking some time off. I called the spouse at the hospital, was planning to go out there, but was taken a little by surprise that he didn't really seem to want me there. I didn't want to force myself on anyone, so I left it alone. Rector was getting back into town later in the afternoon and said he would call on him so it was fine to honor his wishes. Afterward as I thought about it I thought maybe I should have just said where are you and I'll be there in 20 minutes. Since it was only 8:30 and she'd had the heart attack at 5am and had just died, the poor man was probably in shock. But still being somewhat inexperienced at this I took him at his word when he said they were doing okay and he had his son and a good friend with him. It could also be that they've only known me for 4 months, maybe would prefer rector having known him longer. So it definitely gave me some things to think about and I found it rolling around in my head off and on all day - a bit of 2nd guessing or planning for future similar situations.
I'm feeling kind of stressed and overwhelmed with picky details and thinking of all the stuff I'd like to do around the house before family and friends get into town. I called the diocese today and made arrangements for this little retreat house we have for New Year's Eve/New Year's Day. I'll get there late afternoon or early evening and stay until afternoon the next day. I decided I needed some intentional, quiet, prayer time leading into this ordination and if I say I'll do it here on Monday I will probably find myself cleaning or doing laundry or watching TV. Considering that it was on an early January New Year's retreat in 2001 when the call I'd felt a year earlier and had started to explore but had put on hold decided to resurface, it feels right to spend the New Year's leading into my priesthood ordination in a retreat place.
The retreat, prayer, and how to be better at incorporating prayer into my daily routine in a more intentional way other than what I call "praying on the fly" (hurried prayers, moments when seek to connect to God during the day) were on my mind. I've been feeling a need for it lately as I've become aware that creating space and time and being intentional about it have been more difficult than I'd thought it would be.
You'll see what I mean by the following books I purchased this evening (also part of that new clergy drive to gather resources combined with my love of books and interest in a wide variety of topics).
Some books purchased:
1. Celtic Daily Prayer - prayers and readings from the Northumbria Community (I knew some people at the seminary who had this book).
2. The Divine Hours - A manual for prayer by Phyllis Tickle (2 volumes: Autumn & Witnertime, and Springtime). A friend recommended this a couple years ago.
3. The little book of Hours - Praying with the Community of Jesus. 4 weeks of morning, midday, and evening prayer by an ecumenical, Christian, benedictine community.
4. Let Us Bless The Lord - Meditations on the Daily Office, Year One Advent through Holy Week, by Barbara Cawthorne Crafton.
5. Lectio Divina - Renewing the Ancient Practice of Praying the Scriptures, by M. Basil Pennington.
6. Chanting the Psalms - A practical guide with instructional CD, by Cynthia Bourgeault.
7. Spiritual Direction - Wisdom for the long walk of faith, by Henri Nouwen.
8. Sunday Dinner - The Lord's Supper and the Christian Life, by William Willimon.
Now that I have some resources, let us pray that I will make use of them.
I will with God's help.
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