Had a talk with "G"

I've mentioned my friend/classmate "G" and that since we began seminary several classmates have keep mentioning the fact that they think the two of us ought to date, would make a good pairing, etc. I have been on the fence because in some ways I see why they might say that, and in other ways I think they don't know us as well as they think they do... that they are just saying that because we are both single, the same age, have a couple things in common they have identified and have observed we get along well enough to be friends. I think they don't want to see us alone, so the conclusion... well then why not put them together?

I didn't know for sure, but suspected that G had probably gotten some similar comments. We hadn't talked about this before.

Last night during a conversation about some things that have come up for each recently and issues we've wrestled with, the conversation turned more generally to the topic of dating - i.e. how to approach it as a seminarian/priest, what kind of age ranges seem appropriate at our ages, are we truly called to marriage when others have asked each of us before about the possibility of being a "religious" (i.e. a brother or sister who lives in community with an order and commits to a single life and a vow of chastity), how would marriage and family affect ability to minister and to live out a call - especially for “G” who is interested in possible missionary work - which is easier to do (pick up and go to another country) when you are single.

We also talked about the fishbowl nature of living in community at seminary and the affect and pressure that can have if a person is starting to see someone (whether from within our outside the community), because people are observant so tend to know your business, and others we've watched navigate the dating process while in the fishbowl and our occasional response to not even want to go there.

At some point around discussion of the fishbowl and others being in your business it seemed the right time to bring up the topic that others have been trying to play matchmaker for me and trying to connect the two of us.

So, we had a good chat. It was good to finally get it out there. I'd been thinking since the summer about doing it. It seems that some have said it to G too...he thinks not as many people or as often, but admits sometimes he's oblivious to things like that. I admitted I had worried I may have sent mixed signals because while being friends and preoccupied with school and other stuff, when people would say things like that I would try to be somewhat open to the idea and figure out what they might be seeing. He also said that he'd thought about the possibility of us dating before.

We didn't come to any conclusions. We can see why some might put us together, but also think they just don't want us to be alone. There are similarities or enough of a connection that we can have long talks, but clearly differences. We both would ideally like a permanent relationship to start out of friendship (which we have) but realize that if you try taking a friendship (either this one or another) to another level you risk losing the friendship if it doesn't work out, and that may be a high price and one or both may decide they value the friendship more and don't want to risk it.

We've decided that the next time someone is so bold as to try to play matchmaker with one of us, that they deserve more questioning about why they are saying that... is there something they are seeing?

I think where it is at right now is we are both aware of the possibility of us dating and neither is completely opposed to the idea, but because of various things like the fishbowl and being from different dioceses, and a few other things on our plates right now... there didn't seem a need to rush. He's going on a personal retreat for a few days, and I've got a class to teach Wednesday night, then we have the semester about to start and we both give our Senior Sermons in February.

So who knows... we may decide we want to try and take it somewhere, but regardless I think our friendship is stronger for having the conversation and now I don't have the elephant in the room following me around. :) I think it will be good to be free of it during our last semester.