Besides comments Dr. H. made about the photos and organizing my space to take GOEs, I wanted to jot down some other things that happened at our last appt. Thankfully I took a few notes afterward or I wouldn't remember much now.
Dr. H. mentioned a subset of ADD that tends to have some obsessive traits that leads to being detail-oriented and can especially interfere with things like writing papers and result in the struggles I've had.
Dr. H. drew a graph for me about productivity and anxiety/praise/obsessiveness, whatever and how if you have too much or too little productivity goes down, just the right amount leads to peak productivity. Dr. said that when I'm blocked I tend to have a lot of ideas etc. and don't know what to do with them which would seem to indicate too much anxiety or obsessiveness (yeah... you think?) and so need to figure out a way to lessen the anxiety, to circumvent it so I can be more productive. Dang... should have been looking at that little graph last week (more on that in a minute). If I'm thinking too much then I'm on the "too much" side and need to scale back.
Talked some about the letter I still haven't finished to my Bishop and some strategies for how to get to work on it, and figure out what to put in and what to leave out, and ways to phrase things. Suggested I could keep an original unedited version to go over together in a session. Also has suggested running a rough draft past him or a close friend or advisor, etc. Discussed the possibility that I may be trying to do too much with just one letter, include too much. Maybe need to take a step back and think what are the basic or most essential things that need to go in. then other info can be done in a later letter or via email or phone call or talk in person.
Talked about how I've been taking some down time, doing some things with friends, going to the gym, etc. Dr. H. said not to feel guilty about that and paying attention to other areas in my life. Said that it's all self-care. To think of it as a circle. If you place all your attention in one area or neglect an area then you're unbalanced and that's not good. Said picture a big circle with a hole missing. So not to feel guilty because I can't minister to others if I'm not taking care of my health. I talked about how I'd intended to set up disciplines and achieve some functional balance while in seminary so it would carry over when I got tossed out into the world and ministry, but it's been harder to achieve than I thought it would. Dr. H. said to keep working on it for sure, but that he thinks that it may get a little easier once I'm out of school. Sure I may not have as regular of a schedule as normal 8 to 5 jobs, but he seemed to think it still might be a little easier to juggle. I don't know... we'll see. In any event, I keep plugging away at it.
Talked about some other things that have come up for me lately: the fact that during my time here many classmates have gotten married or had children, and some are now starting to hear about possible placement, whereas I am still single, dateless, have no children, and have no idea where I might go post graduation. Dr. H. asked if I was feeling "behind." I said not so much behind, but not being so focused on school and taking some down time had allowed me to open up more and pay attention to other areas of my life and so I became more aware of these other things kind of lurking out there. Dr. H. was saying that since I look a good bit younger than my age that I could probably date a wide range of ages if I chose, also said that I've been doing a lot of good work and I'm more likely to meet someone (and be ready to meet someone) as I pay attention to and continue to achieve more balance - basically I'll be healtier etc.
At one point when talking about being detailed oriented and having lots of ideas I was talking about the GOE Bible question and how I had so much info and had to work hard to narrow it down. He mentioned once again my complex thinking and how smart I am. I finally asked, why do you say that? He said that it's just the way I describe what I was thinking and trying to write and the process of it. He said that when you're in that place it's easy to think others will be looking at things or approaching them with the same level of detail or complexity when they may not be. This kind of ties into my work on trying to not get carried away with research and knowing with something is "enough", and checking with peers about what they think is required by an assignment to help me keep from working on it more and making it harder than it needs to be.
No comments:
Post a Comment